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suddenly i have a feeling or thought tat human is like a glass... if u accidentally drop it, the glass will  broke into small rock crystal... my mind is playing me... argh!! keep on imaging tat i might die on the next day... nonsense thought.... but i cant control myself not to think of it... my sister told me tat my dad went into her dream and tells her tat my dad cant eat all the food tat we bought for him... my dad haven gone through the 'King of Heaven' yet... omg!! i feel sad with it... my dad has been through the difficult time and suffer the pain.. yet, he can't eat the food tat we buy for him.... he must be very hungry... how can it be like tat?? argh!!! why my dad din come to my dream?? i miss him a lot... i just wanna know his condition now... i know tat he can't come back to us.. but at least let us know tat he's being well in another world... but, wats the dream about?? is it true?? i can't believe it men... haizzz... pls god... pls let my beloved father lives better in another world.. pls guide him and take care of him... pls dun let him suffer.. pls....

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i think tat im kinda immature... i'll not ask tat kind of questions dy...
after all, i can see it more clearly which is true friend or not...  really do observe it... thank you so much for giving me hints to know the truth....

exactly a month!!!!

exactly a month that u have leaved us.... every times when i recall back the moment when my sister called me telling me that papa has passed away, my heart drop from the top till the bottom... i couldn't accept, u know.... i was stunned... it was just a dream to me... a nightmare... last month at this date and time, i was in happy's room and watching movie... but i've forgotten to call my dad... i din even speak to him for a whole week... when he put me at USM, the last word he said take care, dear, ok, bye bye.. looking at his car disappear in my eyesight, i only wan to walk up the stair... the sadness of mine, i couldn't express at the moment... lagipun, at the moment my sis called me up, i cant believe that is true... my knee fell on the floor and asking wat's going on to my roommate.. keep on asking and asking.... i was helpless that time.... once before, i have a thought will there someday one of my family will leave us during my uni life? i thought i was a nonsense thought.. seriously, i dun wan it happen on me... tat day my sis told me tat papa hasn't gone yet, the computer switch on by itself.. my dad used to play with the computer to prepare his notes for tourism... i know tat he miss us as well.... i know tat he doesn't wan to leave us so soon.... but why they wanna take him away from us?? from a lovely family... he haven been to the places tat he wan... we as a child, haven brought him to travel and eat the food tat he always mention.. we haven do anything yet but u leaved us... i know tat im not so used to say 'I LOVE U' to u, papa... but i really meant it... u know it.... im not used to hug u... the last time i hugged u when u were in the car... u were about to start ur journey back to KL... u messaged me telling me tat u r having tea with mami... and tat was the last message from u!!! im still asking why?? why u have to leave us?? the weather now is like going to rain... i know tat u r sad when seeing us like tat... but i've no choice... maybe im the most emotional girl in house... but i couldn't control myself.. always when i cried in the room, u will come into the room and telling me not to cry, girl.. ur hand will touch my head softly... do u remember tat??? no one will do tat to me anymore... just u, papa!!! just u!!!! after scolding by mami or mama, definitely u will come and sayang me.... will u come to my dream and talk to me??? will u?? tat day i saw a bee, is tat u??? u r with us on the car mirror when we sent u to xiao en.. u were with us in the kitchen when we r praying for u, to ask u come back to look for us... u were here tat day, but i'm not sure is tat u or not... im not sure... i was quite afraid of the bee at tat moment, the next thing in my mind was is papa.. is papa... when i look back, i couldn't see a bee at all... argh.. mum said u like to walk around, u cant sit still... we knew tat.. then will u come to penang and see me??? u still remember the way to penang??? u have sent me twice to university... u have brought us many times to penang... ur office was here before.. definitely u will know the way... omg.. pa, i just miss u so much!!! i miss u and i love u!! hope u will be fine in another world... let me know ur current condition pa... im coward i know... but i wont afraid when u come and see me.... u r my daddy forever in my heart....

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everything has changed in my life.... Totally changed.... Papa, where r u??? i miss ur muscular hands le.... i miss u.. i miss u so much le.... There are many question mark in my mind due to ur deceased... omg.... Why this will happen on u??

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is quite difficult to accept tat someone has gone for the rest of ur life.... Pa, im thinking of u all the time... the way ur cough, the faces tat u prank us, the fierce faces, the way u walk after prank us, the look when u took off ur fake teeth, the way u sitting down at the dining table, ur happy faces, etc.... u played an important role in my life and yet u have gone without a word.... i miss u le.... wat's in my mind is tat u just went to oversea and haven come back... the feeling tat u went to oversea and u r gone are totally different... really... we r doing everything without u beside us.. having breakfast, went to the market, buy food, went to our old house, driving with family and everything... EVERYTHING.. never imagine tat u will leaved us so soon...