..

u r in my mind very deeply... really miss u deeply, papa ... can u come back to me?? almost half a month u leaved us... i know tat life still goes on... but i feel like giving up, u know.... is really suffer... torturing seriously... every time i come back to uni, i will remember the day u fetched me back to penang... the moment u put me off and start ur journey back to KL... looking at ur shadow getting far apart from my eyesight was totally hurt.... Pa, seriously i miss u very very much....   Pa, how r u in another world?? every movement tat u did, still very clear and fresh in my mind... i've to force myself to be happy in front of my family... i cant make them feel sad... the stressful and sadness tat no one would knows...

this world is damn cruel...

the day without u, my beloved papa..

can u just imagine someday u will lost ur dad?? what would u react?? can u still stay strong?? or u r going to act tat u r alright?? ever since i was young, i never dare to think of it.. and yet, it really happened in my reality life... i just do not wan to accept tat my dad has gone to another world whereby not belong to us.. i've lost my dad.. i can't accept the fact tat my dad has gone.... he leaved without saying a goodbye, take care and 'my dearest, pa loves u.'.. all this time, keep on asking myself a lot of questions... i don't know whether am i a good girl to my dad... did i make my dad proud of me?? etc.... u will never know the feeling, seriously.... keep finding ppl to accompany me, but seems everyone is busy... staying in the room can just make me think the memories with my dad.... i dun know to say im ok to everyone who has asked am i alright?? seriously, im not ok at all.... i'm not as tough as u guys think... im just an ordinary girl... my heart is very painful... my heart drops when i think of my dad.... i dun wan him to leave me so soon and so sudden.... i haven graduated yet... u haven see ur girl graduate yet, pa... pa, u haven celebrate my 21st birthday.. we haven treat u well yet.... a click of eyes, can happen lot of things and changed everything... u cant predict wat will happen to someone who is far apart of u.... just appreciate every single hour, minute and second with ur love one....  seeing u laying in the coffin motionless really broke my heart... calling ur name and u din answer me.... it was totally cruel... the 10th day without u.... dun worry my father... i love u and no one can take away ur status in my heart.... bye...

=.=

我说的不介意，其实还是介意的。。。

insomnia

no one knows my feeling.... im really sad right now.... i couldn't sleep at all... im worrying about my dog... just now when i went down to see my dog... she's not moving... my tears just dropped automatically.... im afraid tat she will die... im really scare... why?? omg... when she heard tat im crying, she woke up.... i knew tat she understand me... she knew tat im there... she just dun wan me to be sad... she's always good to us... she has no temper....i just dun know wat to do... i dun wan she to leave us.... seriously... although im not really love pets... but she's already in my house... she's still ours... still remember for the first time when she had a problem.. when she was pregnant, she cant give birth to its child... yet, my family member were not around, im the one who accompany her and talk to her by not letting her to give up... she was on my lap... until my parents come back to sent her to the clinic... i still remember clearly the moment tat i'm with her.. this time i really have no idea.... i dun know wat to do... she's cute.. although i always scold her but i din mean it...now, i hope tat she'll be ok and healthy.. plsss.. god pls bless my dog... pls.. i beg u.... i dun wanna go back to usm in this condition... pls... i really dun wan... god, pls bless my dog...

WHY WHY WHY??!! WHY this happened to my dog???!! argh!!! i'm gonna damn the stupid ass wild dog... u bloody hell... u hurt my dog! damn seriously!! argh.. i've no strength right now... im shaking... im not dare to look at ur wound... is seriously deep!! no clinic for u right now.. all closed.. how how how?? seriously.. i need to go to the clinic... morning morning... faster come, pls~~~~ its always being polite for the whole time.... u stupid wild dog..... u bite my dog!! dun u ever let me see ur stupid dog face.... i've no idea wat will i do to u....... my dog.... omg...........

=.=

The promises that u have promised.. u didn't fulfill it... the trust tat i put on u totally lost!! no need to explain much on it.... have no point on it as well... anyway, i've gained a lots.. gain on wat??? wat else?! of coz my body weight la... argh.... damn much!! how am i going to have jog everyday huh?? is tough... the determination of mine is getting lower..... but i have to do it... jiayou!! gambateh!! my body weight increase damn fast and easy... damn unfair wei.... argh... pek chek.. anyhow, is my body... ii've to accept the fact pun!!! can de can de... jiayou, ida.... i have to control myself.... control on consuming food.... tats the point... control control.... no more fat fat food.... everyday jogging... lol... can i do it??? yes!! i must do it... i've to fully utilize my nike shoes..... arww.... my sharp and nice nike shoes.... i like it so much... wanna wear it so much.... is quite cheap though... lol... big fat ass~~~ :)