..

oh goshh~~~ she's sad... her tear drops automatically... she feels tired... she feels helpless... she feels nothing... she's doing nothing.... she just wanted to escape from this little town... argh~~~

~~~

wan to blog so much...but seriously dun know wat to write to express myself in this complicated world. wondering will i have tat kind of life again or not~~~ the moment i most enjoy... drinking alcohol and enjoying listen their sweet voice in a nice environment. argh~~~ wanna try to be drunk so much.. wanna escape myself from this town.. wanna walk alone in this complicated road.. wanna try everything in this interesting world. do u still remember wat had u said?? still wondering the words tat u have said at tat moment.. is really confusing.. can someone makes me drunk, pls???  i just dun wan my mind to be clear here.. argh~~ feel like going to swim... i can only be out of myself when i am swimming.. focusing on the steps by not thinking anything... really enjoy swimming.. seriously, many things to post... but not even one i can say it out... haizz... alcohol pls....

...

omg.... i miss my dad so much... where have u been, pa?? do u know tat we really miss u?? i just cant imagine tat u r not here with us already... being feeling lonely... miss ur laugh so much... still hoping tat the truth is not true... hoping tat u will come back to us one day and stay with us forever, hang out with us and chase us as we did last time.... every times when talk about accident, i'll remember of u... the way u left us behind without a word.... can i rewind those moment?? im afraid tat i'll forget u, papa.... i scare i'll forget the voice tat u used to laugh... im afraid tat i'll forget ur everything... im kinda suffer right now, pa~~~ no one knows my feeling right now... many other factors tat bother me recently... wanna emo but seriously... i cant... everyone thought tat im fine with ur decease... but i never let it down... is still in my deepest bottom of my heart... still remember when u brought me back to pinang and have a trip here... i asked u: 'pa, y r u walking/moving so fast?' and u purposely slow down and walk like a tortoise and u asked me ' then can i walk like tat?' and now, u really 'walk' so fast and so soon.... i just dun wan to be emo.. but when the feeling comes and i couldn't control my feeling... im sorry...

...

alcohol~~ alcohol pls~~~ seriously, feel like getting drunk... many negative aspects pop-ing up these few days... can i get drunk??? i never thought of tat idea before... this is my first time... hoping many negative things happen on me and cause me disappear forever... omg.... my mental is controlling me right now... i cant fight it back... im afraid tat my mind will win one day... nothing much happened actually, just tat my mind is playing me... torturing me hardly... hope everything will goes smooth soon, plsss~~~ i cant tahan one le... haizz... im not the one who is always me already....

....

actually i have a lot of things to tell my dad... and i just realize that actually many things i also din let him know.. many things that i dun dare to tell him... now, when he's not here.... every silent moment, i'll think of him and wanna tell him everything.... but now, is too late.... never keep silent, u will find out tat somehow one day, u will regret!!! i miss my dad so much!!! still hope tat it's just a dream~~~

.....

i miss u so much, pa~~~ i wan u to come back to us... we really need u, do u know tat... argh~~ recently, many problems happened le... mum is very upsad... but i dun know wat to do... haizz... moody a, seriously... i really miss u a lot... where r u a?? i've been thinking of u for many days dy.... i dreamt of u 5 days ago... u know tat we miss u... but u never smile and let us understand or know tat u r fine in another world.... im really suffering... im totally exhausted, u know... and i still have another problem ... really bother me.. but actually is not a big deal... but once ' bother me, i'll feel annoying... i just dun like it.... can u save me, pls??? i miss the voice tat u call me 'girl'~~~ i wanna listen again le~~~ haizz... i love u, pa... take care ya... really miss u a lot... bb...

...

argh!!! pek chek a~~~~~~~ dun know wat freaking life is this~~~ damn men!!!! hate this feeling freaking much!!!! pls dun make me remember of the past, pls~~ i dun wan... i just dun wan... not feeling well since this morning yet exam is coming soon... walao eh..... i wanna crazy dy..... amitabha amitabha amitabha.............