exhausted and FFK week....

exhausted week.... OMG... not feeling well plus having performance for two days... this morning went for a performance... and while waiting, i listened to a song and make me think of u... it was out of sudden... those days we both went through lot of moment... hmmm... feel like........ okok... lol... i just cant believe that i slept at the bilik interaktif for almost 3 hours... i'm freaking tired.. is a sign... is going to have final soon... everything seems haven well-prepare... yet, i'm not fully heal... argh.. is torturing actually... hmm.. actually i wanna share a lot of things here... but i'm too tired... lol... DDY... hehehe... my feeling was up and down.. fluctuating from last sunday until to today.... happy+tired+sad+ill+enjoy+lotssssss more.... but i must mention!! is a FFK week also... almost everyday i get one airasia ticket from ppl... walao eh... i really cant believe it lo... i'm keep on mentioning FFK bcoz i hate being ffk by ppl... haizz.. actually is all over.. no point to keep on mentioning... i've to forgo it dy... must do it... gambateh~~ if u say u can; u can!!! this morning we just had a small celebration for harry's birthday.. but surprisingly... he cried... i was so shock.. i cant believe that he cried... well... he was shocked and feel touching, i think... feel like talk about thing tat happened last night.. but there's no point to mention since it was over.. no hard feeling.. oh yea... over!!! stop thinking the past.... think for the future... things tat might happen tomorrow... jiayou, ida~~

insecure...

dun know since when, it's happened.... and i dun know why... is scary... this kind of feeling is bad... feel like hugging someone... lay on someone's shoulder... feel insecure so much.... argh... i'm so into blogging nowadays... lol... is kinda weird... but is a kind of way for me to relax... oh yea ^^

pek chek moment

hmm... after that moment, i felt that not everyone is clever in this world... maybe u din notice about it at all...  actually i knew it since earlier.... she's the one who need to work like mad and end up with a little bit of good result... she's not clever at all.... she's not expert in any field.... she's just a very ordinary girl who lives in this world.... u make her realize how stupid she is ... and she really feel bad at that moment~~~ maybe is the communication gap in between both of them... he cant understand wat she's trying to say and she has already understood wat he taught just now... she really felt that she has been humiliated.. maybe he din realize about it or he doesnt have the heart to meant it... but she get it negatively.... she just cant concentrate recently.. she looks at her course mate and started to wonder why he can be so concentrated in his studies but she cant~~ this is a question for the girl... a question that have no answer.... she's afraid... she cant be sick again... she cant do the same things that she has done before... she dun wan to go back to those moment.. horrible and unforgettable moment... omg... she really hopes she can be stronger and tougher... she really hopes she can be more intelligent a bit... but she knows is impossible at least she really work it out.... jiayou... u really can do it... she'll always support her forever...

:(

hmm.... actually is quite difficult to predict everyone's emotion and the most important is their mindset... this morning feel like crying when i was listening to the radio plus songs.... i found that i'm quite emotional recently... maybe of my illness plus the homesickness.... lol.... i dun know y tat i really dislike this sem... i really cant find a reason of it.... maybe my expectation is too high for this sem... i wanna be extraordinary than last sem... but when the expectation is too high, u'll always get hurt more than b4.... i just wanna leave this town for a little while... let me have my own life, my own time, and my own world..... i'm too tired of everything here.... tears drop automatically again... i hate this feeling... i dun like my tears come out when i'm uncomfortable... it'll make me even more headache.... the life here is changing every second~~~ is unpredictable... is scary and horrible too.... i always blame my life here but actually i'm very glad with wat i've get from the start... i should learn to be more thankful with wat i had at this environment... thanks god... amitabha.... KL'a life.... i must learn to adapt to this new environment...

randomly~~~

hmmm.... recently, i felt empty... i do not know wat i really want... i keep on giving myself excuses not to study just bcoz i'm sick... almost a month... it's very suffer seriously... no one take care of u when u r 'oversea' for studies. the emptiness that no ones understand me although i'm keep on going out with friends... it's mentally torture.... i wanna go home badly.... seems that something goes on at my house but i dun know wat to say and how to say.... i'm going to be crazy soon.. sometimes will think negatively... nonsense... something that will hurt someone's feeling if i do so.... is impossible... and i believe tat i'm not tat brave to do so... second sem of mine, is totally suck for me.... i freaking hate it.... oh damn... argh...

doubt~~~

having doubt~~ everything seems flying forward to me.. i'm really not in a well prepared condition but is coming towards me.... i'm afraid.... i'm exhausted... i hope tat ~~~ can give me some times to suit myself into the condition first.... i seem cant live without it.... is my spirit!!! lol.... maybe is an excuse.... hmm... i wanna forget my past and be a new me... a new person in this world... a new person who has no worries and lives with happily.... free of stress and sadness... i wanna live beyond the past of mine... doubt will never stop in my mind!!! just cant make it clearly... i just cant be my own selves anymore.... my temper is going mad... i knew is not good and not fair to my friends who are beside me.... i do apologies for that.... i din meant it... but i just cant control myself... argh.. oh god.... suddenly feel like going to the temple.. i felt peace when i was there... why everyone will thought tat u r pity when u r alone?? no matter in wat sense.. but just pity.. lol... no, pls.. actually is kind of enjoyment... no one tat annoy u and u will have lotsss of time to think, to relax and to be blank of mind... omg... these life, is not mine anymore.... o.O.o..... can anyone help me to release my doubtfulness??? i'm 21 in this year... i've to be mature... i've to think mature.. and i've to act mature.. however, i'm NOT!!!! 21 years old is just a number for me... but i cant accept it... is too old... forever 18 flies long long time ago... may we back to secondary time??? i know cant Cant CANT!!!! wat i wan is just back to my past, yet, i wanna forget my past... wat a contrast... haha... is annoying.... hope tat there is a person who can hug me tightly from the back... and give me fully support and make me feel 100% of safeness.... anyone???

@.@

feel so moody... dun feel like talking with anyone~~ once u talk to me, i dun feel like talking with u.. end up, we end our conversation like *shit*... lol.... who knows about my feeling??? i'm tired of waiting.. i'm tired of EVERYTHING!!! i'm sleepy.. feel like i've given up with my studies~~ wat's tat, men??? someone come and accompany me, pls??? i'm going to be insane soon.... haizz... once i'm moody and no one to share with.. blog will be my friends forever~~ i like!!