pek chek moment

hmm... after that moment, i felt that not everyone is clever in this world... maybe u din notice about it at all...  actually i knew it since earlier.... she's the one who need to work like mad and end up with a little bit of good result... she's not clever at all.... she's not expert in any field.... she's just a very ordinary girl who lives in this world.... u make her realize how stupid she is ... and she really feel bad at that moment~~~ maybe is the communication gap in between both of them... he cant understand wat she's trying to say and she has already understood wat he taught just now... she really felt that she has been humiliated.. maybe he din realize about it or he doesnt have the heart to meant it... but she get it negatively.... she just cant concentrate recently.. she looks at her course mate and started to wonder why he can be so concentrated in his studies but she cant~~ this is a question for the girl... a question that have no answer.... she's afraid... she cant be sick again... she cant do the same things that she has done before... she dun wan to go back to those moment.. horrible and unforgettable moment... omg... she really hopes she can be stronger and tougher... she really hopes she can be more intelligent a bit... but she knows is impossible at least she really work it out.... jiayou... u really can do it... she'll always support her forever...

:(

hmm.... actually is quite difficult to predict everyone's emotion and the most important is their mindset... this morning feel like crying when i was listening to the radio plus songs.... i found that i'm quite emotional recently... maybe of my illness plus the homesickness.... lol.... i dun know y tat i really dislike this sem... i really cant find a reason of it.... maybe my expectation is too high for this sem... i wanna be extraordinary than last sem... but when the expectation is too high, u'll always get hurt more than b4.... i just wanna leave this town for a little while... let me have my own life, my own time, and my own world..... i'm too tired of everything here.... tears drop automatically again... i hate this feeling... i dun like my tears come out when i'm uncomfortable... it'll make me even more headache.... the life here is changing every second~~~ is unpredictable... is scary and horrible too.... i always blame my life here but actually i'm very glad with wat i've get from the start... i should learn to be more thankful with wat i had at this environment... thanks god... amitabha.... KL'a life.... i must learn to adapt to this new environment...

randomly~~~

hmmm.... recently, i felt empty... i do not know wat i really want... i keep on giving myself excuses not to study just bcoz i'm sick... almost a month... it's very suffer seriously... no one take care of u when u r 'oversea' for studies. the emptiness that no ones understand me although i'm keep on going out with friends... it's mentally torture.... i wanna go home badly.... seems that something goes on at my house but i dun know wat to say and how to say.... i'm going to be crazy soon.. sometimes will think negatively... nonsense... something that will hurt someone's feeling if i do so.... is impossible... and i believe tat i'm not tat brave to do so... second sem of mine, is totally suck for me.... i freaking hate it.... oh damn... argh...

doubt~~~

having doubt~~ everything seems flying forward to me.. i'm really not in a well prepared condition but is coming towards me.... i'm afraid.... i'm exhausted... i hope tat ~~~ can give me some times to suit myself into the condition first.... i seem cant live without it.... is my spirit!!! lol.... maybe is an excuse.... hmm... i wanna forget my past and be a new me... a new person in this world... a new person who has no worries and lives with happily.... free of stress and sadness... i wanna live beyond the past of mine... doubt will never stop in my mind!!! just cant make it clearly... i just cant be my own selves anymore.... my temper is going mad... i knew is not good and not fair to my friends who are beside me.... i do apologies for that.... i din meant it... but i just cant control myself... argh.. oh god.... suddenly feel like going to the temple.. i felt peace when i was there... why everyone will thought tat u r pity when u r alone?? no matter in wat sense.. but just pity.. lol... no, pls.. actually is kind of enjoyment... no one tat annoy u and u will have lotsss of time to think, to relax and to be blank of mind... omg... these life, is not mine anymore.... o.O.o..... can anyone help me to release my doubtfulness??? i'm 21 in this year... i've to be mature... i've to think mature.. and i've to act mature.. however, i'm NOT!!!! 21 years old is just a number for me... but i cant accept it... is too old... forever 18 flies long long time ago... may we back to secondary time??? i know cant Cant CANT!!!! wat i wan is just back to my past, yet, i wanna forget my past... wat a contrast... haha... is annoying.... hope tat there is a person who can hug me tightly from the back... and give me fully support and make me feel 100% of safeness.... anyone???

@.@

feel so moody... dun feel like talking with anyone~~ once u talk to me, i dun feel like talking with u.. end up, we end our conversation like *shit*... lol.... who knows about my feeling??? i'm tired of waiting.. i'm tired of EVERYTHING!!! i'm sleepy.. feel like i've given up with my studies~~ wat's tat, men??? someone come and accompany me, pls??? i'm going to be insane soon.... haizz... once i'm moody and no one to share with.. blog will be my friends forever~~ i like!!

2012

It's brand new year for me.... after all since i'm back from USM, right now i feel so relax... listening to music and wanna blogging for a while... hahahaha.... wow, seems so fast.. i'm going to be 21 years old... but luckily my birthday haven come yet.... just cant imagine it.. always recall back those time, those days and those years.... those days tat i couldn't rewind but all just in my mind.... new friends and new environment in USM... and i'm already used to the life over there.... overall, everything is fine... but i've no idea with wat will happen next.. waiting for results.... so scary.. for me, i'll choose to escape for this moment.. dun wanna spoil my CNY's mood... lol.... have a feeling tat i've changed a lot... i'm not the IDA LOH at those days.... from good to worst and worst to good in some parts.... last year was totally MY YEAR!!!! but i doubt this year is mine also.... knew tat i shouldn't be so greedy... life wouldn't be perfect forever... have to face it and have to find ways to settle it... my mood now is good but feel like wanna be moody for a moment.... in these relationships, i know tat i'm such a failure... feel afraid in having any failure relationship... scare to hurt and being hurt but keep on dragging is not good.... i dun wan dun wan DUN WAN... just skip this.... just cant believe tat i've done my first sem..... walao eh.... fast dao..... i cant touch my favorite sub already.... the sub tat i put all my afford on it.... but others like shit... actually i hate to answer HOWS UR PAPER??? but i did ask this question before... i know myself very well, ok??? if i said i cant means i've no confident with it... just trust me, wei~~~ i dun have no offence here.... imma too straight forward :P i'm lazy to type already.... hope everything will be fine in these coming yearsssss~~~ jia you!!!!!!!!

a exclamation mark !!!!

why is it everything ended up like this?? at first i just want to be kind and friendly.. i dun have the heart to do so.... i just wan to be a good friends for u guys.. i dun expect best friends from u guys but just a good friends.. maybe i'm such a failure to be a good friend nor best friend... just treat me as a friend then... if dun wan, u may get lost from my friend list.. u can just block me whenever u wan... what so ever..... i dun care at all... i noticed since long long time ago.. everyone can laugh and play with me when the moment all of us together... but once we went far apart from each other.. i was like no one to them... maybe i'm a friend tat just fool around and bring nothing to them.... i have no idea... even a simple contact through fb also can ignore... maybe we should ended all of our friendship here at that place.. i dun wan to mention where is it?? and wat had we been through... just forget all about it... there's no meaningful memories here... quite disappointed actually.... wat's wrong, men?? erm.. i think is my problem.. i cant be a best friend and same goes to good friend... so, i'm a normal friend for everyone... i have no benefits for u guys.... dun come so near to me... i have nothing... if u wanna get joy from me, oh no... no, thanks... that's it... i dun wan to mention much.. and end here................................................................................. just forget everything tat happened at that place... it was not a part of my sweet memories from now on.... it is a nightmare.... sorry to say tat but i really feel tat nothing worth to think of anymore... and not worth for me to think of those days where we went to, wat we had did from day to night, and wat we've been through from the tough days...