exactly a month!!!!

exactly a month that u have leaved us.... every times when i recall back the moment when my sister called me telling me that papa has passed away, my heart drop from the top till the bottom... i couldn't accept, u know.... i was stunned... it was just a dream to me... a nightmare... last month at this date and time, i was in happy's room and watching movie... but i've forgotten to call my dad... i din even speak to him for a whole week... when he put me at USM, the last word he said take care, dear, ok, bye bye.. looking at his car disappear in my eyesight, i only wan to walk up the stair... the sadness of mine, i couldn't express at the moment... lagipun, at the moment my sis called me up, i cant believe that is true... my knee fell on the floor and asking wat's going on to my roommate.. keep on asking and asking.... i was helpless that time.... once before, i have a thought will there someday one of my family will leave us during my uni life? i thought i was a nonsense thought.. seriously, i dun wan it happen on me... tat day my sis told me tat papa hasn't gone yet, the computer switch on by itself.. my dad used to play with the computer to prepare his notes for tourism... i know tat he miss us as well.... i know tat he doesn't wan to leave us so soon.... but why they wanna take him away from us?? from a lovely family... he haven been to the places tat he wan... we as a child, haven brought him to travel and eat the food tat he always mention.. we haven do anything yet but u leaved us... i know tat im not so used to say 'I LOVE U' to u, papa... but i really meant it... u know it.... im not used to hug u... the last time i hugged u when u were in the car... u were about to start ur journey back to KL... u messaged me telling me tat u r having tea with mami... and tat was the last message from u!!! im still asking why?? why u have to leave us?? the weather now is like going to rain... i know tat u r sad when seeing us like tat... but i've no choice... maybe im the most emotional girl in house... but i couldn't control myself.. always when i cried in the room, u will come into the room and telling me not to cry, girl.. ur hand will touch my head softly... do u remember tat??? no one will do tat to me anymore... just u, papa!!! just u!!!! after scolding by mami or mama, definitely u will come and sayang me.... will u come to my dream and talk to me??? will u?? tat day i saw a bee, is tat u??? u r with us on the car mirror when we sent u to xiao en.. u were with us in the kitchen when we r praying for u, to ask u come back to look for us... u were here tat day, but i'm not sure is tat u or not... im not sure... i was quite afraid of the bee at tat moment, the next thing in my mind was is papa.. is papa... when i look back, i couldn't see a bee at all... argh.. mum said u like to walk around, u cant sit still... we knew tat.. then will u come to penang and see me??? u still remember the way to penang??? u have sent me twice to university... u have brought us many times to penang... ur office was here before.. definitely u will know the way... omg.. pa, i just miss u so much!!! i miss u and i love u!! hope u will be fine in another world... let me know ur current condition pa... im coward i know... but i wont afraid when u come and see me.... u r my daddy forever in my heart....